I remember back in my late 20's I enrolled myself into what I will call "facilitator school". Up until then I was a lone wolf, deeply shy, intense, moody and didn't feel much of real connection to people in my small world. I did have a sense that my life's work would involve working with / helping people, but up until that point there was nothing objective to substantiate that view. Then as I said I went to "facilitator school" and a whole new world opened up to me. A world comprised of exquisite relationships and a shared craving to "make a difference". After my first experience at said school, the next day I told my Dad I loved him & I got complete with him (closure). The impact of that one conversation on me was truly massive, life changing in fact. It had me embark on a journey to get complete with everyone in my past (& I mean everyone), to share and be authentic as a daily practice and to be driven by a sense of what was possible in every area of my life. It was a wondrous period of my life and I will be eternally grateful to the people who had a role in getting me in and developing me over what was a period of around 5 years. Most of them I have not seen in years but can genuinely say - I truly love you!
I remember being in a staff training (at facilitator school) and the then CEO said to a room full of people. "You know we really don't do leaving well". Whenever someone decided to leave - while on the surface it was ok - in the background the perception was "they were leaving the tribe" "they had broken their word". A kind of righteousness that immediately adversely impacted reputations and relationships.
Do you or your company do "leaving" well? What is the impact of not doing "leaving well"? I as well eventually left both a staff & volunteer positions. For those of us who don't do it well - why don't we? Is it because we are pissed off because a member of the tribe is now myopically & commercially viewed (SDI Orange & Tribal Leadership Stage 3) to be competing with us? Is it because we don't feel we got the return for the investment in them? Is it misplaced or un-communicated sorrow? Are we making it mean something about ourselves, our strategic plans for growth & commercial success? I ask the question particularly of those individuals & companies in the transformational / change industry? For those in that industry - one could arguably say the success & lives you / we now enjoy are largely attributable to "transformational points of view & practices". Why do we stop those practices when dealing with people who leave our organization? If we loved them once - how come we stop loving them? If the people who leave are still driven by the same values / noble cause but they decide for whatever reason to do it somewhere else - why do we stop loving them? Don't we need larger networks of relationships to accomplish the changes we all crave for - not smaller one's? Inside of what structure of thinking do we have it be smaller?
When I did leave this organization and other ones after that and even with some individual relationships - the experience was the same for me. Awful! I write all of this pointing the finger equally at myself. In spite of working in the arena of leading others - I have come to realize recently that over time - I forgot or stopped doing the basic practices that allowed for what was once viewed as living a life that I loved. The minute a little bit of financial success came my way - it became about something else and slowly the quality of my professional life diminished - before I knew it years had passed, relationships I thought to be timeless (5 minutes back with them and it feels like you never left) - we're far from that. Sobering and embarrassing for me.
As part of a tele-seminar I am taking - we were asked as part of our homework to join Linkedin. I had resisted social networking sites for a long time but thought I would give it a go. From the start confronted with how bad I have been at maintaining relationships - embarrassed because I was being updated on people lives online (how come I didn’t know - how come they didn't tell me?) and then I had to confront the task of re-connecting. Many people we're absolutely fantastic - we fell in love again - and professionally - opportunities emerged. With others - it broke my heart! No response, "I don't know this person" or superficial tick the box responses that broke my heart. If we loved each other once (as friends or professionals) how come that has changed for you? When in spite of time elapsing it has not changed for me, particularly with those who are in the transformational / change industry. I decided that I was responsible and that I should move on...or at least I tried.
The course I am taking says we are either known by stereotype, reputation or values. Most of us they would assert are known by stereotype, but mostly by reputation. Reputation as that which has been decided about you by others over the course of years - largely unknown to you - for which we are however completely responsible. So while from this point on it is my intention to be known by my values / purpose in life / noble cause - I won't be able to make anywhere near the difference I want to in life without more people in my tribe – I / we need people. I need you. I love you. I'm sorry for my part (known & unknown).
So while I did not do this particular course (at facilitator school) - I am putting before anyone who declined to respond or did the tick the box version to provide me with some insight as to my role / responsibility in the decay of our relationship (other than time) the following questions. Please feel free to respond if you feel inclined to:
What was it like working with me? / What if anything was left unsaid for you? If you were to badmouth me / gossip about me what would you say? What do I need to know about myself or your experience of working with me that I may be in the dark about? Did I ever let you down or hurt you?
If I sent you the link for this first ever blog - it is because you are either one of the people I would love to reconnect with, learn from or to share the journey that I am on. Don't be taken aback or surprised to know that I love you - you would be surprised to know the impact you have had on people - even if only a few precious moments at facilitator school, in a developmental conversation, in exquisite moments in front of the room or over dinner. Love Joe
All insights courtesy of "Tribal Leadership" www.culturesync.net and Landmark Education. Responses to the questions can be emailed to me at joe@amberwise.com.au or if you want confidentiality julie@amberwise.com.au
Feel free to forward to anyone you think might benefit.
All future blogs forward looking only!
No comments:
Post a Comment